Hayley’s soccer team went to their first away weekend tournament in Myrtle Beach and took second place. It was tons of fun and she not only played well but behaved fairly well too for the weekend.

One game went to sudden death penalty kicks which her team prevailed in. Both teams’ parents were cheering and very passionate but it wasn’t mean spirited. After the game, Jeff and I made a point to yell over to the other parents what a good game it was and they thanked us. After the post-game handshake, our kids do a fun tunnel to honor the other team, which is returned. It’s a nice way to end the game, win or lose.

On the way back home, I was reminded of a story here in Raleigh where parents were banned from soccer matches a few weekends ago, Kids’ soccer league suspends grown-ups. The paper notes that six clashes between opposing parents as well as parents and refs erupted in three separate Challenge-division games. Challenge is the division Hayley plays it, it is the level up from recreation. They don’t mention the age level. She doesn’t play in that particular league but she did in the past and her team plays those teams at festivals.

At the same time I was considering how early we starts kids in sports here. We are guilty of that too. Hayley has played since she was six indoor and outdoor. Now at nine, we’ve moved up to challenge level and are traveling.

I’m not going to get banned from a game but I admit to be pissed off at other parents in the past, even a coach or two. I’ve gotten into one verbal squabble but it was only when a fellow parent had been harassed. I’ve been irked at Hayley for not giving effort. I really don’t care if she stinks but don’t be lazy and ignore your coaches. She was peeved at us for what she thought was criticism at the beach for a less than her best game. It took us awhile to explain to her we were not criticizing her but trying to help her understand that the McDonalds between games with a friend wasn’t good for her playing. She finally got what we were saying and even agreed by the next day. But is it screwed up that I can tell you what my child needs to eat to play well? That I know she needs gatorade before and after but water in behind?

But then again, I let her decide to quit playing the sport I love more than anything - basketball. I’ve let her ride horses, which I never did a day in my life. We just require she play sports, not which ones.

Passion by parents can be great if it supports the child’s desires but in the beginning parents do need to give their kids opportunities to play. In this day and age of early intense training what happens if your kids falls in love with a sport at 12? When I was a kid, sometimes people didn’t start playing a particular sport until middle school.

The fact now is that waiting until 12 would mean that your kid probably wouldn’t make a middle school team. By the time Hayley gets to middle school, she’ll have five and half years of almost year round soccer training. Even a very good athlete would struggle to catch up with a decent athlete who has had years of skill development already.

Which brings us back to the ever so passionate parents. Do you start early and try to avoid burnout? Or do you let your child figure it out on their own but be so behind the curve they might lose interest after facing better kids? I don’t know the answer, I suppose it is up to each parent.

I believe in sports. I believe in the lessons it can teach kids. Kids who play sports are healthier and less lucky to drop out of school. For children with ADD, sports can be a huge help in allowing them to runoff energy.

I think I’m just rambling here, trying to find the middle ground. Many of my posts are my way to work out things in my own noggin.

First horse show

Hayley’s first horse show went really well. She had three sections in her class, she took a first (blue ribbon!) and two second places. Then 2nd place overall, which is called reserve champion and she got a bowl for that. She loved it and wasn’t even nervous. She got there and took off - had no need for me, just wanted to find her friend and help with the horses.

I don’t know squat about any of this but I liked it to for some random reasons:

1. Good crowd of kids. Nice polite kids with good manners. Great influence.
2. Nice clothes. A preppie onslaught which thrills me to no end. My kind of people - the women wear caps, either boots or sturdy shoes and fun grosgrain belts. I can’t wait to wear duck boots and not look out of place.
3. Kids are poised and have great posture. You can’t minimize the benefits as you get older with those two.
4. Smart outfits to buy for Hayley. I can’t wait to get her a blazer and some blue oxford shirts.
5. You have to work with horses. Tacking, cleaning, etc. You have to take care of the animal. Chores are important.
6. Watching my child so unflappable up there and my admiration for her being able to do that since I surely cannot.

Don’t like - horse poop smell, horseflies.

‘I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot’

One of the things in the reading workbooks that I worked on with Hayley this summer was words with double meanings (examples: book - reading book vs make an appt and present - here vs a gift.)

Well she’s been dying to know the name of her new challenge soccer team and her coach finally told us it was going to be the U10 Crush.

After I told her, she decided that was pretty cool. I mentioned how crush was one of the words with two meanings and did she know both of the definitions. Yes, she told me - one is to like Zac Efron from HSM and one is to crush a bug. Good, you got it I told her.

After a long pause, I hear this little voice say, “So which one is my team named after?”

Confidence restored

The monkey is a happy glowwing kid again. Four days of sports achievements has her feeling excited and chipper again.

–First, Hayley played her first round of golf (even if it was a modified best ball one) on Thursday. She had so much fun and was dying to play even more when I had to drag her off the course. I told her there was no pressure here, just have fun and she did.

–Thursday night the swim team finished the weather delayed Thursday and won again! She swam well but had to swim up in some main events because of some absences from her age group (there are ten girls in 9-10, four kids in a main events/eight in a relay - and she is the youngest kid in 9-10). When they win at home, they get to jump in the pool to celebrate and boy did they have some fun doing that, lol. They are now 3-0 on the season (4-0 if you include the mock warmup meet). Hayley loves winning.

–Friday she went to the U.S. Women’s Open with my folks and had a lot of fun. I don’t think she would have enjoyed it as much if she hadn’t just been at golf camp. She and my folks got interviewed by a reporter for a story in the Wilmington Star-News!

Chapel Hill resident Gordon Perry, a PGA teaching pro (”now retired,” he added with a knowing nod), his wife, JoAnne, and granddaughter Hayley Hillison had just settled into a shady spot just off the 15th tee.

“We’ve been coming year after year,” Gordon said. “Coming in at No. 1 is more impressive.”

The Perrys said they had found their spot for the day, which was just fine with 9-year-old Hayley, who took her first golf lesson last week.

“I hit it about 100 yards,” Hayley said. “I think it’s pretty cool to watch them. It’s my first time.”

And in the end, even at the far reaches of the course, it’s about the golf. Annika Sorenstam’s putt for par drew the largest ovation.

“I’m coming to watch Michelle Wie,” Hayley said matter-of-factly. “And I came to watch the girl in the pink. But I can’t remember her name right now.” (It’s Paula Creamer.)

–Then Saturday she had her tryout with the other soccer program I found that had a challenge tryout. If you remember, I was very conflicted about letting her tryout but she wanted to do it.

Totally different result even if it was hotter than heck. We didn’t even leave the tryout before the coach offered her a slot on their U10 Challenge team (challenge is the next level up from recreation ball, they train twice a week for 90 minutes and play each weekend around the area as well as some travel tournaments). They use more of an academy format for challenge which turns out seems to be a pretty good format as I’m learning about it. Turns out she knows two girls on the team, so she is just over the moon thrilled. I feel like I did the right thing. I know she’ll have to deal with disappointments in life and she did handle the first misstep but she is nine and she’s been through a lot. If I can find her opportunities for HER to excel, then I’m going to do it every time.

Questionable clothing

I’ve had some battles with Hayley about clothes over the past few years but for the most part, I simply don’t buy her what I think is inappropriate. Don’t get me wrong, I get that she is a girl and wants to look trendy - and I accept that I’m a prep who has about 20 pairs of khaki shorts, many in stages of loving disrepair. She’s got lots of Old Navy and Justice stuff but a bunch of Lands End, Belks and Children’s Place too.

She’s at golf camp in the mornings this week and there are three girls in the group. I’d even asked if there were other girls enrolled when I signed her up to be sure but I guess I should have asked if there were any other girls who weren’t teenage hoochie girls. Mind you, this isn’t a public golf course. This is a country club with a dress code. It is definitely relaxed for the kids - some kids have tshirts on but nothing ratty, Hayley had a sleeveless polo which technically you should have sleeves.

However, I’m pretty sure they weren’t thinking two girls would show up in those shorty shorts that girls wear at swim meets, gymnastics or cheerleading. You know those soffe short shorts? Hayley has some for swimming to wear and I can even see why cheer and gymnasts wear them - they need no leg restriction for some moves. Eventhough they have like a 2 inch inseam anyway, a lot of girls roll the waistband even lower so they sit right on their hips.

You know both those girls today had them on, right along with their surly teenage girl attitudes. Clearly they were there with their brothers and did not want to be there. I’m just happy they aren’t in Hayley’s age group but I still hate that those are the models she is presented with at this camp.

Another round?

We’ve found another challenge level soccer team that has a few openings. I called them and they said they’d love to have her do one of their supplemental tryouts for the team. She wants to, Jeff wants to and I want her to as well.

But what if she doesn’t make it? Have I shattered her self-esteem completely after two rejects? At what point does giving your child opportunities they may fail become counter productive?

But what is she makes it and her confidence is restored? Is it worth the chance to do that?

Is she too emotionally frail to do all of this? She keeps practing during the day though, seeking out the better and older kids in the neighborhood to help her get better. She wants this and is working for it.

Sleeping after swim meet

Peace

Things have been remarkably peaceful eventhough we are just as busy as can be. Soccer has just ended for the year but her challenge soccer tryouts are soon. Tennis lessons just started for a few weeks and we switched to a new stable for riding that is more involved. Swim team has started practice and we have a mock meet in about 9 days. She has been so kind to the other younger kids she knows who are in their first year of swim team.

The End of Grade tests were earlier this week and we got word today that she passed the reading part on or above grade level, which is really great news. We still are going to let her repeat this year but she is ok with that too. It really is for the best.

She’s learning how saying ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ in normal tones works so much better than snarling it. It has taken us so long to get that through to her. She is content being silly more. She still gets in trouble and melts down but far more often she just apologizes and makes it right. Such a nice change!

Some of the spring clothes I got her are coming up short on her now. So I’m getting some size 10s too and now size 1.5 for her shoes for tennis. I’ve got to get her started on cigarettes and coffee soon. This growth thing doesn’t seem to be stopping on its own!

Oh yeah, I had my stylist highlight some of my hair blonde AND…bright pink! It looks awesome and I really am tickled by it. Hayley wants her hair short with some pink too now.

It is quiet here now. Jeff took her to the club for tennis and then she is going home with her friends from there. They’ll bring her home late night and we might just get to watch a R movie until then. Then we have swim team in the morning, a kids party at the pool, a fishing derby at the pond next to the pool after and a BBQ that night - I think by then we’ll just some home and cook out. Sunday we are going over to our friend’s Mark and Andrea’s house for a cookout for Memorial Day and because Mark defended his Phd thesis on yesterday in some brilliant part of chemistry. I’m happy for him but it also means they’ll probably be moving soon.

Hope everyone has a good Memorial Day weekend!

Stargazing …

Jeff is out with Hayley at a soccer clinic. She has challenge level soccer tryouts in a few weeks and this has been a very frustrating season with her team. Love all the parents, we’ve been together five seasons but the time has come to all go our own ways.

She started with this team about three months after she moved in with us for good. Outside of school, it was our first foray into organized suburban life with a child.

I remember finally being able to tell the other parents we had just adopted her - or not even adopted, but that she was just placed with us. I thought they would think I was a fake parent. Instead when I confessed as the season ended, the ones I told looked at me with astonishment, all asking how we were so close already, when, how, what, etc? But all very positive and kind - and most of all, accepting.

Tomorrow morning is our last game. I wish I could thank so many of these women for welcoming me into motherhood without every knowing it. I know several of them are actually sad tonight as well to let go of these kids and the other parents. How rare to find that many kid’s with parents that aren’t jerks? We could always get someone to help with carpools, we had sleepovers and playdates, I’ve held, tickled and laughed with the kids siblings. And all along watched them grow up so much.

First day of first practice:

First game:

First team photo …

After last week’s game …

Perseverance

Photos 4069, 4070, 4071 in a series from a soccer game this weekend:

Oh I’m faster than you and breaking away

OUCH (soccer ball to the stomach)

No, you will not stop me. I will keep on…

She is one tough kid …