AP: Father’s Mission

The father of a 9-year-old girl who was kidnapped, raped and murdered in Florida urged lawmakers in North Carolina - the state of her birth - to approve tougher penalties for child molesters. Mark Lunsford, whose daughter Jessica was born during the two decades he lived in Gaston County, urged support of a bill that would lengthen minimum prison sentences and require child molesters be electronically monitored for life after serving their sentences. “The system has failed me and our children, not just in Florida but across the country,” said Lunsford, who has lobbied for similar laws in about 20 states.

02/26/2010, that is the projected date Hayley’s abuser will leave prison. My stomach turns at the idea of his release.

I’m pretty much in favor of the changes Lunsford is asking for in N.C. I don’t have any faith that the sex offender registry really does enough to protect families. The registry is good to know where these previous offenders are so your child can avoid that house and that the offender has to live away from the immediate zones around children’s areas. However, not all offenders are not registering or updating their registries when they move. I would like to see a more structured monitoring system for the more serious sex offenders.

Prisons aren’t about rehabbing people extensively. I don’t think anyone can really be rehabbed at the same time as living in a very hostile environment - that said, they deserve the hostile environment for their crimes. I just don’t seem them coming out of prison really a changed person.

In N.C., the structured sentencing changes have ensured that despite overcrowding prisoners are not released just due to overcrowding - they will serve at least 85% of their sentence as a given. I would like to see a system that releases sex offenders into a controlled or halfway house setting that can ensure they are going to counseling and are slowly re-entering society.

I don’t want to think about Hayley’s abuser getting out of jail but I have to think ahead. We’ve talked to Victim Services to protect her as much as we can now with blocking his access to this county for our prisons or work crews, getting on the update list for his status, tracking down his prison records and more. We can still file information with the state that will affect the conditions of his post-prison life and I certainly will be doing that.

N&O: Adoptees seek open records

Under North Carolina law, the state keeps secret the original birth certificates of adoptees. Advocates want the legislature to change that, but their effort pits them against some long-held beliefs. Read more

Above is a link to a great article on the status of adoption records in NC. I’ve been asked before about my opinions and I’m generally in favor of allowing a process to let adoptees access their records. I do know some adoptees who have found their birthparents and had very negative situations occur but those are rare. Do we protect the minority of birth parents who placed in the past and wanted a close adoption to help the majority who wish for a chance to reconnect in the future? Do we make this law retroactive or just from now on? A lot of questions need to be answered before I have a firm opinion on what to do here in N.C in terms of legislation.

I do think at the very least they can start asking birth parents with adoptions NOW if they would like to be in a database that can be available for their children to contact them when they are 18 or older. I would also like to see an option for the adoptive parents to access that information before the child is 18 so they can re-establish contact if they want or if they need medical info.

I did find it odd that Hayley’s birth certificate was re-issued with us as her parents and her former birth certificate destroyed from ALL government databases - destroyed was the specific word used. I tracked down her first birth certificate, getting the local county that issued it to fax it to me before they pulled it from their records. Could there be a way to create a different birth certificate that includes both the child’s birth parents and adoptive parents? Being listed on her birth certificate is strange, I did not give birth to her and I don’t pretend that I do.

According to the article, the bill in progress no would “would set up a way for birth mothers to request contact or say they do not want it. The bills would allow birth parents to file a form, and could indicate they want contact only through an intermediary. The bill would allow for a birth parent to provide medical history whether or not a reunion is wanted.”

That sounds excellent to me. Rep. Margaret Dickson from Fayetteville is the main sponsor of the proposal. If you are in N.C., you might want to email her from her site (margaretdickson.com) and let her know your thoughts.

2007 Pulitzer Prize for Photojournalism

Don’t follow this unless have about 10 mins and you are ready to shed some tears.

You must check out photographer Renée C. Byer’s series portrayal of a single mother and her young son as he battles cancer called a ‘A Mother’s Journey’, which won the Pulitzer for photojournalism. The link is to the first one in the series and you just hit next to move through them.

Technical skill in photography is amazing but telling a story with your images, invoking an emotion is even more amazing in my opinion. So many of us open up our lives with blogs but this is so raw emotionally that I’m stunned.

Hats off to Byer for her work and for her subjects for letting her be a part of such intimate moments of their life.

Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi

I’ve had so many other things to write but have really been unable to with this senseless tragedy at Virginia Tech. Every day issues and even some not so every day ones just seem rather petty when you think about the families who have lost their children, parents and loved ones. Nothing really is that big a deal when you put it in perspective.

We had our own connection to this horror - Jeff’s dad was on campus during the shooting. He recently retired after 30 years as a professor there but still has an office and works there. My in-laws live in Blacksburg and he walks to work most days. The phone lines were maxed out so we couldn’t get any word for a few hours. Jeff was sure his dad was fine and not even on campus but when I told him he was there and fine, I think it hit Jeff more that his father really could have been in harm’s way. (and yes this is the wonderful granddad who wrote the poem below).

He said he was walking to his office when all the emergency vehicles streamed by, he assumed to downtown but they turned on to campus. He continued to walk until the police told him to get inside and stay away from windows. He spend several hours with the folks in horticulture and then went on home. We got an email from my brother in law that he was safe and he called a few minutes later - he said his hands were still shaking when he got home.

Jeff grew up in Blacksburg and went to VT. His parents are so involved with the school and their sports. One of the reasons Jeff and I got along is that we had similar experiences. I grew up in Chapel Hill, another quiant college town. My family all loves UNC sports. Our combined families do fine until UNC plays VT and even then we manage a decent truce. I just cannot imagine this happening. UNC had a shooting off campus when I was living in Chapel Hill and it killed a few people, a lacrosse player and others. It was really sad but the magnitude of the VT tragedy is just so much more than that, so amplied. It breaks my heart.

I don’t blame anyone really outside of the young man. Maybe some things could have been done differently but hindsight is 20-20. I firmly believe that anytime someone is mentally ill and/or determined enough, they can kill anyone. If you are willing to die, you can kill whomever you please. This disturbed young man was going to wreck havoc because he no longer cared to live. I’ve read his plays - they are just bad pulp fiction. I’m sure if you knew him in class, it could be scary but they just seemed bad to me - Grindhouse is worse and those writers are paid rather well.

He needed help and didn’t get it. That’s all.

Stuffed with hugs: hugs sweet hugs

How great is this! Build a Bear is working with a charity group to celebrate adoption and help children in need by making a free bear on Saturday May 19th to be donate to children in need.

JCICS (Joint Council on International Children’s Services) is very excited to announce Build-A-Bear Workshop has chosen Joint Council as its charity-partner for this year’s campaign! Your families, along with families from around the country and the world, can celebrate adoption and help children in need by going to your local Build-A-Bear Workshop on Saturday, May 19th and making a bear for FREE!

The “STUFFED WITH HUGS: HUGS SWEET HUGS” campaign is a month long celebration of adoption and service to children around the world. As the sole charity-partner, Joint Council will join Build-A-Bear Workshop in a series of national promotional events designed to bring attention to the needs of the children we serve.

More info: Stuffed with Hugs campaign
More from Build Bear

(thanks to my friend Krissi for pointing this out!)

Quets on Dr. Phil

Whoa, Allison Quets is on Dr. Phil tomorrow. Boy the blogs are gonna be buzzing tomorrow about this, pro and con.

The family who adopted the twins lives in the next town over from us, which since we live across from the border means about five to ten minutes away. The Needhams have stayed very quiet over the adoption part of this case and it appears again we’ll might just be hearing one side of the story. I’m not saying it isn’t worth hearing, I’m just tired of the battles I guess.

Quets suit will stay sealed

Latest on the local scandal involving the kidnapping of adopted twins by their biological mother:
newsobserver.com | Quets suit will stay sealed.

Seems the local paper here (and my former employer) is trying to get the 2005 lawsuit by the biological birth mother against the adoptive family opened. Florida courts are keeping it sealed based on the FL adoption privacy laws.

As always, I’m still torn about all of this - and I’m torn about this legal issue. I’m curious to see if the N&O will push this further but honestly, I don’t see the need since the birthmother and her supporters have told their story to everyone that will listen. I’m quite sure the new agencies want the responses from the adoptive family who is has yet to speak on anything except the kidnapping itself.

At the the core of this case for me is the belief still that unethical adoption is wrong. We don’t think we’ll ever know the complete details of what happened in the pre-adoptive and initial adoption phases because so many people have conflicting stories. I do think the children should stay with the adoptive family that has parented them for two years however I think the birthmother deserves to be a part of their lives (even after she serves her jail time).

Of course this brings us back to the issue that birthparent rights aren’t legally binding in most areas, which is a shame.

Local families who have kids with special needs

Our favorite shoe store is Trendy Toes over in Saltbox Village in Cary (McDonalds and Outback anchor that shopping area). We adore their stuff - a lot of higher end and european shoes but they are also more durable and better quality shoes.

The staff is really sweet and the owner sends out nice sale emails. I got an email from him today that I thought I’d pass on:

As many of you know Trendy Toes is closed on Sundays. However, twice a year we open up our store for the special needs community and their families.

Our next special needs day is April 15th, this coming Sunday. We will be open from 1pm to 4pm with special promotions just for the special needs community. If you or someone you know has a special needs child, this day is just for you!

Best Regards,
David

1235 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC 27511
919-462-0555

Girls reborn as Americans

The News & Observer has a nice article about a couple that adopted two girls from Moldova,
newsobserver.com | Girls reborn as Americans.

Loggerheads

‘One son. Two mothers. Three endangered lives: Three overlapping stories of estranged families in three regions of North Carolina’.

Well as an adoptive parent and a lifelong NC resident I was hooked on just the title alone. Part of the movie was set on a beach I have spent time at, as recently as last summer.

Loggerheads is a movie  about the stories of a young man, his adoptive parents and his birthmother as entwining but time lapsed stories.

The film hits both the mountain and coastal areas of the state and stars Bonnie Hunt (Cheaper by the Dozen, The Bonnie Hunt Show, Life with Bonnie, Jerry Maguire) Tess Harper (nominated for an Oscar in Crimes of the Heart), Chris Sarandon and Michael Learned (the wonderful mother from the Waltons). The writer of the movie is - no shocker - from North Carolina which explains the setting but also the love of the area he shows for the beach.

I loved the movie.  I’ve watched it twice and cry through out it. It is based on a true story and part of that saddens me because the adoptive father, played by Chris Sarandon, comes out worst in the story for his views and the adoptive mother for her weakness. Tess Harper is wonderful in that role, basically torn between her husband and child.

Bonnie Hunt was amazing as the birth mother and the brief interactions with Michael Learned as her mother were very powerful.  Addressing the way unplanned pregnancy and adoption was handled years ago is always a powerful thing and I wished there was more of that. But this movie despite being based on a true story gives you less than more in general. Gaps are left on purpose I think and it works well for the movie. It could be the background story of so many adoptions, even if the turns are different.

I won’t go on more to spoil if you haven’t seen it but if you are touched by adoption, it is worth the time.  The final scenes of the movie give me hope for the future of adoption.