Casual

Hayley had a nice talk with her birthmom G and then later with her Nana (birth grandma). She was happy to talk to her younger sister F too when G called.

The nice thing now is those calls don’t worry Hayley. She doesn’t make lists of what to say or cling to the phone. It is just her family calling. She knows she’ll talk to them again and she just chits chats with whatever she wants to tell them, just random kid stuff. I know it can be tough on them because they want so much to connect to her but I hope they understand they are connected to her BECAUSE she is so casual with them. She knows the connection is there and she can call on it when she needs it.

She’ll hand me the phone to talk and I’ll chat with them as well. I know it helps her to have me having a positive relationship too. I want her to see we can all get along because we love her THAT much. I always fear losing her as she gets older but you know, I can’t do anything about that. But by sharing her, I hope it means as she gets older we can all share her adulthood and all be proud of the person she has become.

I don’t know what the future holds but so far this open adoption is going pretty well and I’m astounded how respectful her first family has been of the boundaries - by respecting them, it makes me feel safe to share more and more of her life with them.

The other side of Father’s Day

Hayley was so tentative about talking to her birthdad on Father’s Day. I finally got her to be ok with calling him later in the evening but no one answered. She just doesn’t know him well and I honestly think that topic is one of the things she is bouncing around in her mind - just who is this guy and how do I place him in my world?

The man she thought of as her father when she was young abused her. It took her a long time to really bond with Jeff as a ‘father’ and know she is. And we are both fine with her birthdad having a role in her life and he seems to want to do that but we’ve really yet to move forward. He’s taking some steps but they are few and far between. His family seems more interested in keeping in touch. I don’t want to turn this into something mean spirited or bash him at all, I’m just being honest. I’ve opened the door and Hayley has been willing to try but it can’t be on us. I know this isn’t easy for him and I know it is harder for men to relate to reaching out. I hope he can, for both of their sakes.

Father’s Day

It is a crappy cellphone photo under some bad light but you can see their cute matching daddy/daughter shirts I got them:

Her two mothers …

I did want to say one thing that I’ve been remiss in posting. I’ve been having nice conversation with G, Hayley’s birthmother. I think she knows I’m not out to get her and once she understood the game plan - directly from me - she seemed to be a lot more relaxed. I’ve told her that we are both her mothers and nothing will change that.

We’ve had some good parenting conversations as well. I found myself being way too preachy in one of them and told her to feel free to tell me to shut up because I get to rambling and I really wasn’t trying to insult her in anyway. She quickly told me that it was helpful to know the stuff and it was good stuff she could use with the daughter she is parenting who has the same demeanor and energy level as Hayley.

G followed all the guidelines we set down and really stepped up to the plate. She has been great about respect boundaries, which was my concern in general with all birthfamily issues. We are moving along in our plans but Hayley’s issues right now might slow things down because it is a lot of stress on Hales but at least they are talking and can easily reach out to each other, both ways. G is trying and I have to give her credit for that.

Peace

Things have been remarkably peaceful eventhough we are just as busy as can be. Soccer has just ended for the year but her challenge soccer tryouts are soon. Tennis lessons just started for a few weeks and we switched to a new stable for riding that is more involved. Swim team has started practice and we have a mock meet in about 9 days. She has been so kind to the other younger kids she knows who are in their first year of swim team.

The End of Grade tests were earlier this week and we got word today that she passed the reading part on or above grade level, which is really great news. We still are going to let her repeat this year but she is ok with that too. It really is for the best.

She’s learning how saying ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ in normal tones works so much better than snarling it. It has taken us so long to get that through to her. She is content being silly more. She still gets in trouble and melts down but far more often she just apologizes and makes it right. Such a nice change!

Some of the spring clothes I got her are coming up short on her now. So I’m getting some size 10s too and now size 1.5 for her shoes for tennis. I’ve got to get her started on cigarettes and coffee soon. This growth thing doesn’t seem to be stopping on its own!

Oh yeah, I had my stylist highlight some of my hair blonde AND…bright pink! It looks awesome and I really am tickled by it. Hayley wants her hair short with some pink too now.

It is quiet here now. Jeff took her to the club for tennis and then she is going home with her friends from there. They’ll bring her home late night and we might just get to watch a R movie until then. Then we have swim team in the morning, a kids party at the pool, a fishing derby at the pond next to the pool after and a BBQ that night - I think by then we’ll just some home and cook out. Sunday we are going over to our friend’s Mark and Andrea’s house for a cookout for Memorial Day and because Mark defended his Phd thesis on yesterday in some brilliant part of chemistry. I’m happy for him but it also means they’ll probably be moving soon.

Hope everyone has a good Memorial Day weekend!

A poet and you didn’t even know it…

I mentioned before that Jeff’s dad wrote Hayley a great poem that I just adored. Hayley wrote him a cute one back about having a silly grandpa.

Well on the last visit from the grandparents, Hayley and Grandpa John decided to have a poetry exchange. Their first topic is the family pets and John’s poem on their pets arrived this week. She loves to read them and unlike most time when asked to write, she was thrilled to put the pen to paper (or in the digital sense, the cursor to the screen).

Just another great way to get her reading and writing - not to mention developing a special relationship with Grandpa John. And my dad Gordon (I have two dads/one mom) is getting in on the granddad action too in taking her to the neighborhood fishing tournament next weekend. Hayley needs all the good, kind and present men in her life.

Rock on

I love music. Finding a piece that either reflects my mood or cranks it up is essential to my day. It can be anything from Vivaldi to Dave Brubeck to my beloved 70s rock music. And concerts are just too much fun to me. Jeff doesn’t really like them much but he did drive to NJ for me to see Joni Mitchell live, which was one of the biggest musical events of my life.

I got off to a good start with concerts:

My first concert - the Police on the Synchronicity Tour.
My second - Prince on the Purple Rain Tour.

Two awesome legendary tours. So when it comes to Hayley, I’ve tried to impart my love of tunage to her. She already loves to sing and dance. She took drum lessons for awhile but mostly enjoys just banging on them for fun. So of course, I’m going to drag her with me to shows. I love sitting out on the grass, chilling listening to tunes.

In other words, I’m the bad mom to lets their kid go to rock concerts with her. Her first was Steely Day and Michael McDonald - low key. I”m a Dan fanatic, that was my fourth show. But I took a BIG risk last night and took her to Gwen Stefani with Akon and Lady Sovereign - gulp, on a school night even!! {bad mother, bad mother}

We had a blast! We sat in a great section with families and jammed out to all the tunes. ‘Bananas’ was what Hayley was dying to hear and she was on her feet screaming the entire time it was on. We yodeled with her, sung, swayed our arms and just had so much fun laughing and snuggling on the grass.

I don’t really care that we got home last and she missed a few hours of sleep if we can make awesomely fun memories like that!

Mother’s Day

sleeping late - CHECK
breakfast in bed - CHECK
dozen roses in deep pink - CHECK
godiva chocolates - CHECK
adorable artwork by your kid - CHECK
lovely cards from your family - CHECK
japanese take out for dinner - CHECK
pool with Jeff and Hayley - CHECK

All and all, a wonderful day in my book. Every Mother’s Day I am just stunned by my blessings. How did a quirky chubby girl end up with a wonderful husband, an adorable child, a dream job to work from home tinkering with sports websites and a lovely house. I am eternally grateful for all of the amazing things that happening in my life.

We are off to the pool now!

From Nana

I’ve always offered anyone in our family a chance to contribute here and Hayley’s Grandmother Nana Janie has written something lovely she said we could run on the site. Janie is Hayley’s first mom G’s mother.

Hayley is my grandchild, I write this out of love for two people who have made a life for a lost child. Hayley came into this world on a very cold and rainy night fighting for her next breath. She was placed in an ambulance and sent from Boone to Winston because she had a hard time breathing. After staying there for a week she was sent back to Boone brought home and taking care of.

Being young and foolish as we are when we are young Hayley’s mother married a young man. (I have other names but I won’t use them because some people would not like it.) This person I thought was good with her. I have so many time heard people say that you can’t trust strangers. Little do these people know that it is sometimes you can’t trust the people which you think you know. When I tell people this they think I’m crazy. (Little do they know.)

I have tried to love my grandchild and to think that someday I could make up for all the wrong things that has happened and for all the heartache that is there. But I know I can’t. I tell myself that time will heal. About 2 years ago we moved 11 hours from the place I knew as home. I say I did it for a job but I know now it was for Hayley. Hayley has a new outlook on life with her new family. I have a peace of mind with them. I have seen, played and talked with her. She is happy and I know she is love beyond all measure in the world. I look at the pictures of her with her Mom and know that there is so much love there and care that it is unbelievable.

Hayley is nine now. I know that the questions will come sooner or later. I have a mother that prays that Hayley will never ask them. I know we have a good prayer chain going for her. We prayed for a loving family and look what GOD gave us - Jeff and Michelle.

We prayed for the girls to see each other and God gave us that to. I pray she never has to go back to the small town which this all started. Memories.

I will in my time that I am here to give all the support that I can to you guys. Just ask.

Thank you for the life you gave.
With all my love,
Nana Janie

Starting nine off with a bang!

It is 12:33 and Hayley is now nine!

We had a small ice cream cake at home since we had Uncle Jay here this weekend and Uncle Jay is the ice cream eating champ. It has been an ongoing birthday party since we went to the theatre to see HS Musical Thursday. Her big party is Saturday with gulp - 28 kids!

Ornery little sprite

Braided pigtails and red face from soccer - when did she grow up?

A note to her birth family members - please feel free to call tonight. She’ll be home after soccer practice about 7:30.